Saying Goodbye...

Last night (or should I say early this morning), I spoke again with my husband. I spoke very bluntly to him, but without emotion.

I let him know that I don't think what he is doing is going to fix anything. I reiterated that he needed therapy. He needed medication. I continued to try to get some sort of concrete plan out of him.

The best I could get is that he is going to "decompress" for a few weeks, which I think means do nothing.
After that he will check on the job situation. I point out that finding a job that he is interested in (and I mean actually obtaining the job) could take months. He acknowledged this to be true.

I think it would be a lot easier if he could say something simple, like "I am really going to miss you" or "I am going to do everything I can to feel better so I can come home" or "I love being married to you and want to make this work" or just "I want to make this work".

But I got nothing.

I did not cry. I told him I would text him the time and details and he could come say goodbye to the kids.

After hanging up, I get a good idea. This morning, upon getting to work, I text him my idea: purchase a tablet or IPad for the kids and show them how to get Skype or FaceTime so they know they will be able to see you when they talk to you. Try and make this fun. I let him know I would tell the kids first so they did not think he was home for good when they see him.

I was not sure he would go for the tablet thing...I figured he would complain about spending the money. But since he feels (apparently) financially comfortable doing all of this, I feel it is fair to expect him to do something nice for the kids.

I let him know we can meet around 4ish. I don't hear from him until almost 4, when he explains he is trying to get the ipad together. We choose to meet at 4:30 at the park near our house.

Once we get to the park in the car, I have my brother exit the car and speak with the kids privately. I explain that daddy has been missing his dad in Atlanta and knows there is work there he can do that might help him like himself more. So he is going to go stay with his dad and do this work. It was hard to tell them, but I did okay. My daughter immediately burst into tears. My son told her not to cry; that mommy was more fun anyway.

I sent my brother to the coffee shop and my husband arrived. Awkward. My daughter showed off for him on the monkey bars and my son initially avoided him. He showed me the ipad (not set up have to figure that out) and we showed the kids. I got teary as I told him I hoped I was wrong and that this would work.

He asked about the cats. He said the kids looked good. There really was not a lot to say. I gave him two big strong hugs. He promised to talk to the kids on sundays and wednesdays and let me know when he arrived in Atlanta.

And then he left. I watched him walk to the car while trying to keep an eye on the kids. Not really clear on what was going through my head. I think I am numb.

Kids had a good night until bedtime for my son. Not a surprise considering all going on. He is now suddenly missing Birth mom again. And telling me he is not really a part of the family, etc. I know he wants attention so I sit with him.

He is leaving tomorrow.

I repeat, I hope I am wrong.