Choosing To Have a Good Attitude....

I am not much of a fan of the cheesy self-help stuff...like "you can choose to be happy". Not everyone has a choice (brain chemistry may be off) and it is a lot easier to "choose" to be happy when everything is going well. When you partner of 17 years unexpectedly departs, leaving you with two emotionally needy children, a full time job that requires more than 40 hours a week, all the household bills and household responsibilities, well it is hard to feel like you have a choice in ANYTHING. I can choose what I want for breakfast, but that is about it. Everything else is dictated by either schedule (therapy, school, afterschool program, activities, oh and work) or money.

So while I sure cannot choose to be happy right now, I figure I will try to choose a good attitude. Hopefully I will role model this for my daughter, who chose a bad attitude this morning...throwing a bottle of shampoo and kicking the car door.

So I am choosing to laugh at the absurdity of my current situation. Because really, it is absurd. I did not accidently get pregnant. This was not an "oops" and my husband suddenly became a dad when the birth control failed. He actually had to WORK to get these kids. He had to fill out paperwork. Find references. Get the house ready. Go to training classes and interviews and meet with social workers. We bought a new house because we needed separate space for the cats in case our son could not handle being around the cats due to allergies. He made the effort through all of this. I did not prop him up and parade him around to these things. He was not threatened. I am half his size anyway. He could have said no. Instead he was an active participant in becoming a dad. And not just by having sex.

In my "good attitude mode" I know that as far as single parenting goes, I have it easy. Not because my kids are easy, but because I have been so independent anyway. I earn enough to support us. Maybe not in a high end lifestyle but we will keep our house and have food and clothes. I have always been in charge of the finances. I can clean. I do the yard work anyway. It is probably a good sign that the thing that concerns me the most is changing the light bulbs. I am 5 feet tall. I have a step stool but still can't reach the lights on the ceiling. And i have not changed a light bulb in my entire adult life. People laugh when I express this, but it is true. The light bulb thing is the unknown to me. How do I reach the light fixture? What wattage do I need? Are there different types of light bulbs? It seems overwhelming.

Today, I am choosing to roll my eyes and laugh. Even at my fear of changing light bulbs.

After all, it is funny that I can manage budgets at work and at home but changing a light bulb leaves me in a cold sweat.

So should a light bulb be close to going out, let it go out today. While I am having this positive attitude, perhaps I can overcome my fear? Plus I took the day off. So I can change the light bulb in peace.