Perspective

You know those days when you feel good about where you are in your ? number of years?

Today was one of those days. Feeling really good about where I am at at 37. Despite all of this drama.

Since my parents were here I went to visit a friend. My friend has been going through some stuff with her husband. He sounds a lot like mine. Just like there are some positives to my husband (he does work hard at his job, for example), there are positives about hers...he stays home with the kids, is always happy to watch them (and their friends) and give her time away. He has made their backyard a kids' dreamworld. But he does not work and has very little motivation to get a job or have a career. He fools around all day and when she gets home after a long day she still has to cook and do the housework. It was similar with my husband, as he worked less hours. Ultimately, it seems like the real issue for my friend is a she is not really in love with him. She feels terrible about this. Guilty. But she is unhappy. She has tried counseling and couples counseling and encouraging him to go on his own.

On first glance, considering my current situation, it is easy to think "you have the luxury to worry about whether you are in love? must be nice!"

But upon further thought, it is clear that, like so much in life, is a matter of perspective.

To my friend, not having this deep emotional love with her husband is devastating. My husband quit the family and I am doing okay. She commented as I was leaving that here I was going through the most horrible experience of my life and I am trying to come up with ways to help her get to a better place. I laughed, because I don't really see it that way.

Here is how I see it: Something minor or mundane can be the end of the world to someone while someone can experience something significant and barely miss a beat. We are all in different places in our personal growth and what we can handle/how we handle it. To me, considering my own husband, hers does not sound too bad. I could hike all I wanted on my own with this guy around. But to her, the pain she feels is as bad if not worse than what I am experiencing.

I am proud of how I am handling this. I am not naive; there will be more challenges ahead of similar or greater degrees of "horribleness". But I have the tools and strength necessary to get through whatever comes in my path.

I know that not everyone is as fortunate. And that their reactions are a matter of their own perspective.