Meeting With the Lawyer

Yesterday I met with a divorce lawyer. Nothing will leave your head spinning than 90 minutes of hearing about how you have been screwed emotionally and now risk getting screwed financially.

Interestingly, I recognized the lawyer. I see her at the local coffee shop several times a week. Turns out she is in process on a divorce herself. And I realize I have not see her in awhile at the coffee shop.

The news is not good. As a community property state, should our divorce go to court, our assets and liabilities would be split. This is great for my husband. He would get half of my 401k. And I would get to pay a portion of his debt. Obviously not a good deal for me. For some reason, more than getting stuck with some of his debt, the idea of having to cash in my 401k and give him half makes me physically ill. There is not a ton of money in there. But it is symbolic of all of the efforts I have made to be responsible where he has not. And he would get half? and half of my savings? I immediately started trying to figure out ways to hide money. Not that I have much. But it is still mine. The lawyer pointed out that if he was to fight, the first thing his lawyer would do is subpoena my bank records. And then I would be in trouble for hiding money which would lead to a more costly divorce.

To avoid going to court, he and I would need to come up with a settlement we could both agree on. I am assuming he would agree on just about anything right now since he is clear that he did something lousy by leaving his family. The lawyer points out that I want to seize on this opportunity because should his guilt change to where in order to make himself feel better he puts all of the blame on me, he would then be less likely to sign. And more likely to fight. Which would cost me money in lawyers fees and likely in my having to give him a part of my 401k and savings. Again, I don't have a lot. Fighting would probably cost more than he would get. I don't see him doing that. But you never know.

On the plus side, the kids would be pretty straightforward. He does not want them anyway. We talked about child support. With my current income and his current income it would be a little over $600 a month. Which is something of course, but when you consider all of my expenses it makes me sick. This will cover child care. Which he was paying when in the home. But he also paid for some other stuff here and there. Of course with child support if he is not working I don't get anything.

The lawyer commented that her husband had gotten an apartment down the street and that he wanted their son every other week. This is so sad, but I am yearning for a divorce like that. Where the ex stays in town and sees the kids a few times a week and you get a break without having to hire a babysitter. And the kids don't lose their dad.

All I can say is that this just sucks.

Too much to think about.