Welcome To....

I remember a really neat essay I read some time back that I believe was called "Welcome to Holland". The essay was by a woman who was the parent of a disabled child. She expressed having expected to "go to Italy" (have a non disabled child) like her friends/family. So when she "went to Holland" she was disappointed. She had been promised Italy. She later realizes that if she is so busy being sad about italy she will miss all that Holland has to offer.

Today, I was taking a walk and this came into my head. Only I feel like I was expecting Holland and wound up somewhere else. But not a nice pleasant, laid back place like Holland, where the pace may be slower but can be enjoyable.

See, I was totally prepared for Holland. In fact, I chose Holland! People were going to Italy and I thought, "not really for me. Holland is a fit. I have the tools for Holland. I can do great in Holland!"

So I was all prepared for Holland. But somehow I wound up in a place where no one would willingly choose to visit. It is the kind of place reporters go to investigate. It is hard for anyone to relax. It is always stressful. It is noisy. It feels unsafe. It feels like you don't have control. Objects are flying all around you. Things are always moving. There is a lot of fear. It is hard to feel hope.

I yearn for Holland. I know if I pine over Holland, I will miss what this place offers. I am still trying to figure out what that is. I know I can get great life lessons from here. But sometimes great life lessons are not so appealing. Nor nonstop action. And always having to be on high alert.

Oh Holland. Or Norway or Sweden or anywhere relatively calm. I hope I will one day have the opportunity to stay awhile. Being here is wearing me out : )