My Husband Is A Fruitcake....

Just in case any doubt remained, it is confirmed that my husband is indeed a fruitcake.

After my phone call with my husband on tuesday where he announced his plans to come back to the city and work on himself and spend time trying with the kids, I realized I had an awful lot of unanswered questions.

So I figured I should ask them.

On thursday afternoon I sent him an email with probably close to 50 of them.

They involved concrete plans: do you know exactly where you plan to live? How often are you thinking you want to see the kids? Do you plan to look for a full time job (he is working 30 hours)? Will you meet with the therapist to come up with a way to coordinate this to cause no further damage to the kids? Are you still looking to get a job in another city? When?

The questions also involved getting an understanding of his perspective: what do you think you need to do to get invited back to the house? How do you plan on explaining this to the kids?

After the questions I firmly told him that I would not live the way I did the last year. That the kids and I deserve better. I reiterated that I would not live the way I did the last year.

I sent the email and then I waited.

I had taken the day off on friday and after taking the kids to school and getting some coffee I decided to go on a long hike. I figured that would keep me away from checking my email.

I had a great hike. Kept up a good pace and got farther on the trail in a shorter time than I had anticipated. I probably would have gone longer but it looked like rain and when I heard the thunder crack I figured it was smart to turn around. Got to the parking lot around 12:30. No email. Not surprising. I know my husband. If he had seen the email he was preparing the "perfect" response. Perfectly worded, that is, to commit to nothing.

I went to REI, where I treated myself to new hiking socks (my thorlos got a hole after about 10 years), and a pair of biking shorts. One of my goals, aside from spending time at the rock gym, is working towards doing a century bike ride (100 miles). I have not been biking much since my last big ride (58 miles) so I have a lot of work to do.

From REI I went to World Market. I have been looking for a shower curtain but have been unable to decide on one. At World Market I think I find the right one. Retail therapy can be a beautiful thing.

As I am driving home I notice an email from my husband. A response to the questions!

As I write this, I wonder why I was so excited to receive an email with the answers. Did I expect good answers? Seriously?

When I would stop at a light I would read. Then read a little more at the next light. I was only 10 minutes from home.

By the time I pull into the driveway, it is quite clear, even from quickly glancing at the email, that the answers were not what I was looking for.

They were vague. Little information. All about him. Seriously all about him.

Not once, in the entire email, did he say he hoped to get it together so we could be a family.

Not once.

And yes, he does still want to work in another place. Sooner rather than later. And, if he does not do this, he feels he will be more deeply depressed.

So, if I want to remain married to this man, I have to expect that he will take very little, if any responsibility while he "works on himself". Indefinitely. He will come and go as he pleases. Must be nice to have that flexibility. Must be nice to have all of this time to think about yourself and what you want.

I decided to see the email as my permission to leave. If he cannot even say that he wants to be a family, than what am I doing? The is a difference between being loyal and being stupid.
I saw this email as my permission to leave.