I need to catch up on my posting....I have been feeling really good since sunday night. I have felt so good that on tuesday when we were finally able to use FACETIME for my kids to talk with my husband, I told him I would call when the kids went to bed.
I called him and told him that I was not really angry anymore. I told him that I hope he gets himself together and that I want him to be okay. I told him the situation was clearly lousy.
I also told him that I was likely going to file for legal separation. I told him I need to do it for myself, if for no other reason but to symbolize that I will not go back to how things were the past year and that I would not allow him to treat me and the kids the way he had. I also told him that never in all of this did I hear he wanted to be back with us as a family. If he wants to live in other states for work or school, that is fine. He can go by himself. If I am going to have a partner, I would like him to partner with me locally. Seems reasonable.
His response about the legal separation "if that is what you feel you need to do". Funny, it would be nice if he even TRIED to convince me otherwise. Oh well.. Easier on me.
He still plans to come at the end of the month and rent a room in a house. No set plans. He has all of these dreams but no plan whatsoever.
The kids' faces lit up when they saw him on the computer. That makes me sad.
Wednesday, I emailed the lawyer. I now know what info I need to provide her.
I have no idea what if anything to say to the kids.
But you know what? I feel good. I feel really good.
My cell phone just lost all battery yesterday. It was time for the upgrade and I got a new free phone. Usually my husband would do all of the phone stuff and get it started. Not this time. I even got the crazy waterproof case on it. I was able to hook the phone to my computer and transfer pictures. I am smarter at this stuff than I think.
I think being free of all of this is making me feel good. Free of his drama. Free of the recent pain.
I think I am going to be okay.
You will be ok. I can tell you that my experience was that my life was easier when my husband was gone and I knew if it had to get done I had to do it and I could do it. You are so much stronger than you know.
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