Update

It has been a few days since I posted. I have gotten to enjoy a few hikes (Monday and Wednesday) and have been busy at work. This time of year is typically hectic as far as reports go and between that and getting the kids through the last week of school things have been chaotic!

I found yesterday to be a frustrating day...my husband (being that I have turned in the separation papers, do I still call him that?) made me angry. I told him he could meet me at the house this morning at 7:45 to get the kids so I could go to work. The kids are done with school but camp does not begin until Tuesday. He had offered to take them to his office. He made a comment about how early that was and that he was not sure he could be ready on time. Seriously? I have spent the last four months getting the kids TO SCHOOL by 7:40. So I told him that. And commented that he "sure was living the life".

He started going off on how he was not living the life and how he did not think he could ever get across to me how terrible he must have been feeling to walk away like he did and how he was now 40  years old and had lost everything.  I commented that he always brought it back to him and how he was/is feeling. What about me and the kids? I think whatever he is going through in regards to his mental health is prohibiting him from seeing what he is doing. The all about me mentality is so ingrained in him that his actions are likely subconscious. I asked him about whether he had found a therapist and he said he had just found someone who would take his insurance. Still no appointment.he went on about how miserable he is that he feels this way and he does not know why he can't just be a dad like other people.

When we had calmed down we spoke about other things and he was persistent that he help me with the swamp cooler. Something about how if I was going to look it up online, I might as well have him come and show me what to do.. no thank you!

We will see how things go.