The Funk

I am still in my funk but do feel better. Tomorrow a friend and I are going to see if we can figure out how to do an oil change on my old car. I bought the supplies we will need and we have the benefits of wireless Internet at our disposal...should be interesting....I am looking forward to ito have no clue what I am doing. I was telling my "crush" about our plans and he offered to hang out with us to answer questions. My friend said she prefers to do it ourselves and I agree. Funny if I did not have a crush on the guy I would not have even considered it. Next project is a bike rack on the car...maybe he can help with that...

Mother's day is a challenge in a family created through adoption. It is a crapshoot how the kids will react. Today my daughter told me she misses the friends she had when she lived with birth mom. She was not even two when she lived with birth mom last and she does not have a memory of her friends at the time. I know she is trying to understand. It is frustrating sometimes, becausetheir is a selfish part of me that wants to be the only mom. Heck, I want to be number one! I will be likely be competing with birth mom forever. I found it difficult tonight to be with my friend and her new baby. He is smiling and cooing at her and my kids are lying and sneaking. Sure, part of it is age. And this little guy will have his days. But the reality is that a lot of the behaviors my kids bring to the table are things that my friend will likely not experience. And I am jealous. I am also jealous of her doting husband who is also a doting dad. Must be nice.

Can I just come out and say that I hate Mother's day? I am not much for holidays anyway and this one is setting me off. I think it is less about the kids' reaction and more my husband's behavior. While other husbands are celebrating their wives for being mothers (and I suppose for making the fathers), my husband had completely flaked on the weekend. Supposedly out of town for work and though he was supposed to be back at 4 on Sunday so I can do my oil change, it now appears that is unlikely.He says he is going to find a babysitter for until he returns. I am sure with 12 hours notice he will find
someone (haha). I wonder if I get to pay them. Not that that will be an issue because it is doubtful someone will be available. I feel so valued!

Not that I know that my husband is where he says he is I have no trust. I looked him up on family. Map and imagine this...his phone is off.

Any wonder why I am in this funk?