This weekend was challenging. My parents were in town and that has been something that has been difficult for me for, well, 20 years. No longer having my husband to be the buffer has increased the challenge. And the fact that now they are "concerned". I know that I should appreciate that they care and want to be sure I am okay. But it drives me nuts.
They came in on Thursday and we had dinner out that night. At one point they tried to pry about my husband but I told them I did not want to talk about it. Which I don't. Friday we had dinner with my friends that had a baby the day my husband took off. Things went reasonably well. My parents took the kids to their hotel that night and I was able to do a little painting and the get up early for a big hike the next day with friends. This hike had been planned by my crush and was on a trail that I had been wondering where it went for some time. I admit i hoped to have been able to actually communicate with him while on the hike. I have such a crush on this guy.. Which makes me feel guilty though it shouldn't. Another friend and her husband joined us. It was a wonderful hike where we made it to south peak and back in under 6 hours. I mainly talked with my friend and I feel disappointed that the opportunity had not arisen to talk with my crush. I feel like I can do really well talking to him at work but out of work I get nervous. Having a crush is hard for me. I am not much of a flirt and I feel uncomfortable. I like to think that he is the same way and that is why this is difficult. Wishful thinking, I know. I know there are other guys out there, but there is something about this one. I felt sad at the end of the hike. Partly because we had not spoken much, but also I believe it was hard hearing my friend talking about her and her husband and all of their backpacking trips and what they planned to do with their kids. And how he supported her through running the new York marathon, my renting a bike and finding her at different points in the route. My husband was eating hot dogs during the marathon while I ran. I just felt so sad about my family composition. I want a partner like that. A dad like that for my kids. I want camping trips and hiking trips as a family. Yes, I know I can take the kids myself. But a partner who enjoys that would make things much more fun and likely a lot easier.
Another friend had invited us to dinner on Saturday night. I had a difficult time transitioning from it he hike to social time with my family. Also this friend is pretty needy and that is a challenge for me. She had decided to have a party the next night as well and wanted us to come. My parents did not want to go but my friend thought i should just break away from my parents. Since I had
Already taken most of Saturday to hike, I did not feel right about that. I was also beat. It is hard to explain to a friend that you chose a different activity for your limited free time them spending time with them, she prefers to be with people. I really don't. When I want a break, I want to be alone, hiking or running or biking.
Sunday I ran the 5k zoo run with two friends. When I went to pick up my friend to go, I burst into tears. Clearly I was stressed. My daughter's party was a few hours away and I am. Of much for parties. Will the kids get along? Will they behave? And this had the added stress of my husband ands parents seeing one another. I just kept thinking that in one more day, this would be over. My parents would be on their way home and the party would be done.
The party wound up going okay. My daughter was happy which was the most important thing. My dad went right up to my husband and said hi and then walked away. Two girls from my dughter's class came and she was thrilled. The needy friend appeared offended because my
Daughter barely spoke to her daughter. Clearly my daughter, who is all of 6, was overwhelmed. And 6 year olds realistically don't know how to divide there time at a party. Heck I don't at 37. I need to head to work and will right more this afternoon.
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