Long Weekend Part 2

Just finished the weekly therapy appointment which never helps me feel much better : )

Back to the weekend...seems the party went okay. The friend who was offended that my daughter had not socialized with her daughter was insistent that I attend her last minute party. I was just plain exhausted by that point and the idea of one more thing to do was not appealing. I think the stress of my parents and my husband and the weekend had done me in. She told me to just come without my parents. Sigh. I think this friend is becoming too high maintenance. It is funny. You want friends to count on you and that you can count on but not this much. Yikes. She said something about how she would just leave her parents for the party. Okay, that is you.

After the party I took my son to the grocery store as he was in trouble for lying. Then we went home and I got started cleaning. And I cleaned and cleaned and the house is still a mess.

It was a relief to go back to work this morning. A relief to be back to normal with my parents going home. What seemed the hardest for me was the seemingly constant reminders of the happy family life I so wanted. I texted a friend Saturday night when I was feeling down and I was trying to explain how I felt. She does not understand and is always saying to "be positive". I think I am being pretty positive. I could be way more negative. I am constantly surrounded by couples like my friends talking about these camping trips and road trips and family time. And my family composition is not what I though it would be. And I am both angry and sad about that. And of course jealous.

Be positive, she says. Should I throw a party? Celebrate getting to date and be rejected like when I was 20? I want a partner. And relatively soon. I don't want to find the partner in 10 years when my kids are uninterested in doing things as a family.

I know it is what it is. I am trying to enjoy them even with their behaviors. I know there are never any guarantees. But the people spouting those words of wisdom are happily saying such things from the comfort of their two parent household. I want my happy ending.

The therapist pointed out that I am never upset about not having my husband himself. It is always about having a partner. Which is a good point. I don't miss him. I am okay without him. But I hope I can get to a place sometime soon that I am satisfied with being a family of 3.