Ignorance

This post has nothing to do with my husband.

It does, however, explain why the camping trip this weekend was cancelled.

The camping trip was to include three households:

Household 1: Myself, my son and my daughter
Household 2: My friend, her husband, her daughter, who is five, and twin sons age 2.
Household 3: A friend (more my friend's friend) and her daughter who is 4.

Initially it was just to be my family and Household 2. My friend than decided to invite Household 3.

Well apparently the mom of Household 3, who we will call "Gladys" told my friend (mom of Household 2) that she was concerned about going camping with us because "my son may have experienced sexual abuse" and that she was afraid he was playing inappropriately with her daughter. This because, once when the kids were together (my daughter, my son, the daughter of "Gladys" and the daughter of my friend) and "Gladys" went over, my son put his finger over his mouth and said "ssssh". "Gladys" assumes this meant he was up to no good, corrupting the younger kids. "Gladys" by the way, is a therapist. I had, apparently mistakenly, shared with "Gladys" that we had had to go through the safe house process for my daughter, who expressed experiencing abuse from a former foster family. This, combined with my son's sssshhh, meant that she must protect her daughter from "being corrupted" from my son who "likely had experienced abuse".

Sigh.

First, "Gladys" wanted to know how the adults in Household 2 would increase supervision so as to insure the safety of her daughter. Funny how she was not going to increase her own supervision. I am not clear if she thought my son was going to wake up in the middle of the night and travel to the other tents and start molesting younger girls. My son, keep in mind, is afraid of the dark. So he is not going to leave our tent to go to another tent in the middle of the night.

My friend, mom of Household 2, defended us. She said what my kids need is love, not judgement. She encouraged "Gladys" to voice her concerns to me. She did not. The last time they saw one another, apparently "Gladys" would not even look at her.

Nice.

First off, the age difference between four and eight is signficant.   Perhaps "Gladys" should keep her daughter from all boys ages 8 and up for fear they may know some things that her daughter does not yet know.

Second, my son is never alone with your daughter. And if you have concerns, make sure you are supervising.

I am not sure what "Gladys" expected my friend to do. But apparently, the fact that my friend did not agree with her made her very upset.

This situation makes me very sad. Sad for my kids, who may be pre-judged like this for years. Sad for "Gladys'" daughter, who will likely never understand why she had these friends and then suddenly did not have them anymore. Sad for my friend, the mom of Household 2, for all she is going through in dealing with this situation and possibly losing "Gladys" as a friend.

And then I am scared. Scared that we will have to deal with this type of ignorance for years. Sad that my kids and I will lose friends over fear and ignorance. And scared that this type of irrational fear could wind up being a deal breaker as I start looking for potential partners.

Just a lousy situation.