Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due....

I have written plenty of negative things my husband has done so it feels only right to share the positive.

1. He showed up to see the kids today
2. He did some good cleaning of the house.

I told a friend I would give him "points" for the effort. My friend joked she hoped I was not giving him too many.

I appreciate the reminder, as I am not interested in being lulled into complacency and accepting the bare minimum.

On another note, I want to comment on a comment that showed up on my email but does not seem to show up here. A friend, whose feedback I value greatly, pointed out that if I did not avoid seeing my "crush" my husband would not ever look good to me again. I appreciate her point and will agree to an extent that is likely true. However in my case it may be a good thing that my husband does not look good to me. It would be easy to take him back and fall into the same miserable situation I was in a few months ago. But I don't want that. I was not happy. He was not happy. It was impacting the kids.

Every situation/relationship is different. I have a good friend who is having trouble with her husband. She says there is no spark, no romance, that they don't even talk. She is the first one to tell you, however, how good he is with their kids. How their five year old is reading due to his efforts. That they are avoiding 2k a month in daycare costs with him being the full time at home parent. Has the love faded? Sure. But he contributes to the family.

I have another friend currently in marriage therapy. She will tell you that they are struggling but that he is trying. He goes to therapy. He does the "homework" no matter how silly.

Unfortunately, in the case of my husband, he was not a contributer to our family. At least a positive one. He did not bring income, or childcare. He brought a lot of drama and a lot of stress. He was not willing to work on anything. When the therapist recommended date nights, my husband scoffed, insisting he was not going to schedule time to hang out with me. He wanted it to be like it was. Which it no longer could be.

While this could change, over the last few weeks, I have for the most part, felt pretty good. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Last night, I was at the pool with my kids and a friend and her stepdaughter. I was watching another family in the pool-a mom a dad and a little girl. The dad was great, interactive and playful with the little girl. In the past, I would have gotten weepy, wondering why my husband could not be at all like this man. This time, I did not have that thought. Instead, my thought was "maybe one day I will meet a guy who is like this guy". So much more hopeful and positive.