Silly Things People Say

I find the things people say so amusing sometimes. I try to be supportive, I really do. But the baby thing, which has come up a lot recently, seems to make me lose my ability to empathize.

Another friend is due in a month. She was talking about how she is already worried about going back to work after her three month maternity leave. She has a flexible job. She will be working 32 hours a week. She has a wonderful, supportive husband. His mom will be providing 50% of the childcare the baby will have.

She is worried about how "she will do it all". Well by golly, I must be Superwoman. When my two were "born" into our family at 4 and 6, I took a few days off. I just had to make it work. I have worked and worked despite much drama, great needs, and many therapy appointments. I did not have time to worry when my husband left and I was now responsible for everything without the benefit of a partner or a local mother in law. I just had to make it work.

"Oh, but", my friend says, "with a newborn they are so dependent on you for everything". While my kids, she is inferring, now aged 6 and 8, can do more for themselves. Sure, that is true. But while the helpless baby stares at its mom lovingly, my son is calling me a "moron" and trying to slam the door with me leaning on it. He may be able to feed himself but there are an awful lot of unpleasant things he is able to do too.

I am not saying that a newborn is not exhausting. I am just saying that two kids with challenging needs are also exhausting. And throw in doing it alone and, well, as someone who is somehow getting through it, it is hard for me to sympathize with the recent mom who dreads returning to work, particularly in a part time, flexible situation.

I think my lack of options has managed to make me incredibly resilient. This is not to say I am a perfect mom because I know that is absolutely not true. I know there are things my kids are missing because I am trying to do so much. On the flip side there are skills they are acquiring and things they are learning as a result. My kids will know that women can have careers and be at the top of the game. They will know it does not take a man to make a household successful.

They will learn that you make it happen, even when it seems like there is no way that you can.