What Is A Partner?

I was asking myself this question yesterday for a few reasons:

Friday night when I got home there were boxes and boxes in front of my house. Turned out they were from my husband's dad...full of his childhood toys. Maybe his dad figured he had better send them before I changed my mind and did not let my husband have things delivered to the house. When I saw the boxes were gone, I hoped he had taken them to storage. I asked him about it and he said that he needed to clean out his storage shed and could he leave them in the garage until then? Otherwise, he said, he would have to leave them in the car and then there would be no room for the kids. Glad he can help with manipulation training. I found him storing the boxes in the garage irritating. Because I am paying for the house. And all household bills.

Then, when I got home from the pool with the kids, I noticed that a cat had gotten sick on Carlos' sheet. I cleaned it off and went to put it in the wash. His clothes were in the washer. Dude, you do not live here, remember? YOU are the one who moved out! I pay the mortgage, the electric, the water, the gas. Use your own washing machine!! Or at least get your crap out before I get home!

In the meantime, my friend was telling me how she and her husband really want to stick to owning just one car. So he bikes to work and back since she takes the kids to school. What a concept to work something out. I believe I had mentioned that when my husband wanted a new car, despite being 11 months from paying it off, he went and traded it in anyway, oh and leased it rather than purchased it. This was about a month before his departure.

While I had been in a partnership for 17 years, the reality is that we were more like two independent adults co-habitating. I wonder if, at almost 38, I am capable of being in a true partnership. What kind of partner can I be? Was I a good partner in this relationship? If not, can I be a good partner in the right relationship? Because we were so busy being independent we never had to coordinate. When the kids came and we suddenly had to, I suppose I proved that I was willing to compromise and work together. Through my husband's disappearing I suppose he proved that he was not.

Last night, I brought up to him that I was frustrated about the laundry. The laundry, I suppose, is representative of many other things of which I am frustrated. He did not seem to get it. Commented that he had been doing our laundry for almost 20 years so he had earned the right to do laundry. During all that time he was contributing in some way, even if it was just in purchasing food. Now, it is all me. I am responsible for all of the bills. His doing his laundry makes me feel like I am being taken advantage of. He goes on about how he does not get home early enough to do his laundry at the home where he is living. Not my problem. He says that this is not the time to discuss this because he feels lousy after 3 hours at the kid fun place where he took the kids to a birthday party. I sort of lost it there. You feel lousy after 3 hours. You spend less than 10 hours per week with them. TRY SPENDING THE REST OF THEIR WAKING HOURS WITH THEM. AND working full time. AND maintaining this house. He goes on about how he tries to clean when he is with the kids to leave the house looking better than when he got there. That is nice and all. But our arrangement is this way because he does not live in a place where the kids could actually visit him.

Sigh. I don't think he gets it. I really wish the lawyer would send me the final separation papers so I can have him sign. Perhaps he will then realize that I am serious.