Back to how this all went down....perhaps I can write a how-to book on how to NOT split from your family...
I get the kids to school. They notice dad is not there....I comment that he is working at the group home again. They don't seem bothered by this.
I typically get ready and go straight to work after dropping off the kids. But I am not fully with it and have done nothing to get ready. Truthfully, I am feeling overwhelmed over how I am going to do this everyday. I am no super-mom. And even if I was I would also have to be super working mom. And super housekeeper...And the list goes on. I am starting to panic. I also become overwhelmed by the fear of light bulbs. How am I going to change light bulbs? I am 5 feet tall! Even on the step ladder i cannot reach the ceiling. And I have not changed a light bulb in 17 years. Shit.
I get myself ready and since I have no set time to get to work (having your husband walk off without notice buys you time) I head to the coffee shop. I drink coffee. I cannot focus on work. Or even Rosetta Stone. I type an email to a friend. I also obsessively check my phone, because my close friend is in labor. What timing. He does this and I cannot even call her. I debate letter her know, thinking maybe she will get angry and give a big push and out will come the baby. I decide against this. I had planned to see the therapist for an emergency appointment but he texts to say that he cannot meet because of surgery complications. Again with the timing. Guess I am supposed to prove my strength.
I get to work. I check in with my boss. I cry. Check in with my team. I cry. My boss thinks I should hack into his bank account and take money. Tempting.
I spend a few hours at the office then head to a home visit. After the visit I go to the mountain to hike. I am doing well, I think. The home visit has perked me up. I am wondering if I am going to see my husband, as he is supposed to be there to watch the kids since I have a work event. But he has not texted. I do well the first half of the hike. But being on the mountain reminds me of him. Of our hikes and of me begging him to hike and him not wanting to. I look down in the canyon and from far away I can see a person dressed in black. I have this small hope that it is him. That he has come looking for me and figured the best place to find me is the mountain. I then realize this is ridiculous and I started to cry. And then I start to sob. I am hiking and sobbing. I miss my trail and get turned around but find my way back. Sigh.
I finally hear from him at 4, asking what time I wanted him home to stay with the kids. I have no idea what his intentions are at this point. I text him to say that he needs to let me know his plans. If he is planning to come by and never see the kids again, than I don't want him to come. That is not fair to the kids and frankly I am not in a place I can handle that emotionally.
He responds that it is not his intent to walk out of our lives. That he may have jumped a bit suddenly but that maybe this is as good of time as any to spend the time away we had discussed as a possibility.
Let me point out that the possibility we had discussed was that it was okay for him to get a job elsewhere. But we would know it is coming. We would say goodbye. We would be a family with someone working out of town. Not THIS.
Since the 23rd was one long day, I am going to stop here to pick up the kids. Part two will come later.
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