Today is Wednesday, Jan. 30. I actually had a good day, as opposed to yesterday where I was very down.
I got to take my good friend's (the one with the newborn) dog for a walk in the foothills and nothing puts me in a good mood like mountain time...and mountain time with my buddy is even better : )
I was really rocking at home too. Good the kids doing what they needed to, etc. My husband was supposed to call to speak with the kids, which he did. I was in a good mood and he seemed in a decent mood and I admit, I allowed myself to get hopeful. He asked if I wanted to talk after they went to bed and I said sure. Not sure what I was thinking, but things did not seem so glum.
Well that did not last long...we get on the phone and he is going on about what a bad place he must be in to do these things, blah blah. Don't really remember how it all went but basically he is moving to Atlanta. The sooner the better. I asked if his dad knows what he has done. Yes, he has talked it out with his dad. They even have financial arrangements (his dad will cover the kids' after school care until he is working). It sort of feels like his dad is harboring a fugitive....I am mad at his dad for being willing to take him in. The man has not even called to check on us. I want to scream "look at what your son did???"
So he will go to Atlanta. He has already quit his job. He will be paid for a few weeks and then says he is being kept on as a very part time consultant so he can keep his benefits for awhile. No clue if this is true or just his response to my plea that HE GET HELP. He needs help. He needs therapy. He needs medication. A new location is not going to change what is going on in his mind. What will he do for work? He has been communicating with an old friend who has sent him a few leads. Of course they are tv jobs and he is still pining over working in the industry. Not sure who will hire him with his Bachelor's degree from 96 and no real experience in that area in years.
So he will now be out of work, out of state, sending money from his dad...I guess what can I expect I mean the guy walked out on his family!!
I try to get across to him what he is doing to us. All that he has left on my shoulders. All he is doing to the poor kids and how their behaviors as a result just add more weight on my shoulders.
It does not seem to get me anywhere. He is unswayed from his ridiculous plan.
I tell him I should be very angry at him but for some dumb reason I still love him.
But right now I hate him too. I am so hurt, even though I know this is nothing to do with me. This is on him. I am scared and overwhelmed and I am angry and sad.
He says he will come talk to the kids to tell them. I tell him I will talk to the therapist to get the best way to do this and let him know.
I admit I ROCKED this phone call. I was strong. I did not cry. I told him that should he want to be a part of this family he was going to have to work to get back in. I told him he needs to pay for his cell phone and car insurance. I am not paying for that.
I reiterated therapy and medication though that was clearly not a priority.
I finally gave up. I hung up and I cried.
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